In the end of the year, I have this routine of taking a few moments to reflect on the year that has passed and think about all it has taught me. I am grateful I can share these thoughts about 2019, even though we’re well advancing towards the end of January 2020. Better late then never.
In 2019, I have finally started nurturing one of my hobbies – writing, by creating this blog. This is one of the things I am most grateful for. It’s gratitude to those extra pounds of courage that won a small battle against many of my fears, particularly this one: “What will people think?”… But the battles are going on, daily, it’s journey, and I’ve come closer to understanding that too, this year.
2019 is one of the hardest years I’ve experienced so far. It ranks in top 3 now, #1 being 2017 and #2 – 2013. But I always appreciate the tough times, because, in retrospective, they are so valuable, they teach me so much and contribute to authentic character building. This year, for the first time, I set boundaries and stepped out of a relationship that I felt like was toxic for me. Toxic not because of the wrongdoings of my partner, but because of how I was hurting myself through the presence of the other person. What I really needed was to be alone, to clean old traumas and forgive myself and others, to heal, basically. I needed to be by myself for a while, and I am thankful that things turned out the way they did and allowed me to take that decision. It was scary, but it felt like freedom eventually. And, while in the process of deciding which is the way forward with the relationship I was in, I listened to myself and it led me to creating this blog which I wanted to do for two years but kept procrastinating. This experience has also taught me valuable things on how to behave and relate to people when they set boundaries towards me. People should always make decisions guided by their own personal goals and needs, so when they decide to step aside, it’s useful to try not to take things personally and respect their boundaries.
I hope I started listening more, first of all, listening to my own body, who has been trying to talk to me for years. I am quite amazed at how much I could neglect it until now. I found out that:
- I can tolerate dairy products in small amounts only
- I don’t need to run 100 km a month to prove something to someone (ego driven) by hurting my legs ang joints instead, 20 km a month is enough as well (Mai rarut dar mai dragut, as we say in Moldova, literally meaning: less but sweet)
- 7-8 hours of sleep is almost a must, otherwise I look for ways to compensate the lack of sleep through sweets, usually
- short but consistent exercises are way more sustainable and rewarding in the long run than periods with intense training – it really takes time to build flexibility, especially towards doing the splits
- rest days, the “doing nothings days” once in a while are a great idea
- the more I create and let ideas flow (painting, cooking, writing, vision map collage, vision cards, sewing, ironing), the easier it is for my brain to concentrate and construct new things and put together new ideas. Letting the river of thoughts flow is quite essential, apparently, for my well being
- I don’t like mashed potatoes as much as I thought I did – this was a huge thing to realize since I though it’s my favorite meal for about 21 years
- having braces is not fun at all, a lot of the times it feels like mountains are moving in your mouth and many changes happen in my jaw, really. I think in November 2019, while in one of the fitting rooms where I could see myself from the side, I was so shocked about how different my face was looking from profile that I had to emergency call my orthodontist to ask if that’s normal. But doing something long-term for my teeth is great
- cutting down on sugar is not easy peasy… but I will get there
- exploring different things I wanted to do for a long time is liberating, because the worst it can happen is that I find out I didn’t want to do it, then I just move closer to what I really want to do.
I am extremely grateful for the wonderful people I am surrounded by in my personal and professional lives. Family, friends, mentors, colleagues, managers, people I haven’t met yet but from whom I can learn through their books, channels, or other ways of storytelling. This feeling of community, of being part of something bigger, being in this together, sharing vulnerabilities and ways of dealing with things, having fun, making people laugh (this I truly appreciate, since I tend to be quite serious and focused, so when someone comes around with jokes, I am so thankful) is valuable to me.
ACVILS' personal blog 